When was the last time a friend reached out to you for help? Chances are, when your friend needed you, you responded with kindness and support.
When was the last time you did that for yourself?
Studies have found that compassionate people are often not nearly as kind to themselves as they are to friends and family. When dealing with mistakes or perceived inadequacies, the response to self is chastising, negative self-talk and disappointment.
Some people feel that self-criticism is a way to keep us on our toes and helps to make sure we continually improve. In short, negative self-talk can feel productive when it is actually detrimental to our well-being.
The truth is, treating yourself kindly can boost your health, increase your happiness, and even improve your work ethic.
How to embrace your own inner cheerleader.
The goal is to become aware of self-criticism and when you catch yourself doing it, switch your mindset to friendship mode.
Here are some simple examples of connecting with your own inner BFF.
In the morning
When you wake up feeling guilty for sleeping in instead of getting in your morning workout or yoga practice, remind yourself that sleep is one of the most important requirements for better functioning and an overall healthy lifestyle. You probably needed the extra rest.
If you are thinking of skipping breakfast to make up for last night’s dessert, consider what advice you would give your friend. Would you tell her to go hungry? No way! Your body, just like everyone else’s, needs nutrition and energy to function properly.
At work
If you feel panic while thinking of all the tasks you have ahead of you, remember, success happens one step at a time. Believe in your own capabilities just as you believe in those close to you. Be your own cheerleader and make an effort to acknowledge your own special skills and dedication you bring to your job every day.
If you are dealing with passive-aggressive feedback from a co-worker, rather than feel inadequate, think of what you would tell your friend. Passive aggression is about the other person, not you.
Out with friends
If you are tempted to feel bad for complaining, think of how you respond to your friends when they relate their troubles to you. Chances are you want to hear about their day. When a friend shares her problems, this is an opportunity for connecting and deepening a relationship. This goes for both sides of the relationship, so be sure to vent and listen when out with friends.
If you are wondering how quickly you can leave the party to go home and sleep, give yourself the same support you would give your friends. Put yourself first, and call it a night if this is what you need.
If you are doubting your self-worth over past relationships, honestly, what advice would you give your friend if a relationship didn’t work out? You would never suggest they take the blame. You would want to reassure them about how wonderful they are, break ups do not reflect value. This advice goes for you as well as your friends.
Remember, it’s always appropriate to indulge in self-care. When was the last time you treated yourself to a day at the spa or simply a walk in the park? Have you taken the time to curl up and read a good book lately? In the long run, self-care will lead to greater productivity and will increase your ability to do what you are already great at, showing up for others when they need you.
Get help today
If you need help with self-esteem, stress, or relationships, therapy can help.
Jennifer Lauren is a licensed psychotherapist who can help you in healing old issues. Jennifer specializes in resolving relationship conflicts, coping with feelings of overwhelm and breaking free of unproductive patterns.
Reach out for help today and take your first step towards self-care.