How do we get off the spiral of negative thinking?
It is estimated that the average person has 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day, and what’s most concerning is that many of these thoughts are negative and repetitive. Most of our thought today will be the same thoughts we had yesterday.
But there is a way to separate ourselves from the continuous stream of thoughts and the negative feelings they generate.
Kristen Neff has written about the practice in her book Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. The practice is to make a soft mental note (soft, meaning to do it in a kind way) whenever a particular negative thought or sensation arises. This helps us to become aware of what’s going on in our mind (much of our thinking is habitual) and what’s driving our feelings.
A greater self-awareness gives us more power to react differently.
Here’s how to harness the power of the noting practice
Observe when you are caught by an emotional trigger
Maybe out of the blue you feel a deep sense of despair or anger, your heart begins to beat fast, you feel a throbbing in your temple. Notice and observe what’s happening without judgment.
Make a soft mental note
Stop and take note of what you are actually feeling. Is it anger? Fear? Sadness? Putting a label on what you are feeling can help you to stop and become more aware of what’s happening. The automatic, emotional state gets connected to the more structured, rational and conscious part of your mind.
Adjust your response
Sometimes our reactions are automatic and unexamined. Once you experience your emotions as aspects that flow through you rather than what you are, you can move on and take control by changing your response to the experience.
Have you ever had a rough day where you felt blue or frustrated and these feelings seemed to arrive in the morning and then followed you throughout the day, and then at some point, you realized “Wow! I’m just tired. I’m feeling bad but nothing bad is actually happening … and you stopped. You gave yourself a mental time out and you had a cup of coffee and you changed your thoughts about the moment you were living in … your response changed and your mood lifted.
You are not your thoughts.
Many of our thoughts are automatic, they are part of the stream of thinking and can be considered to be surface-level thoughts that take the form of descriptions and situation-specific judgments. As the name suggests, automatic thoughts are not directly controlled, they are reflexive reactions that are negative.
It is important to challenge your negative stream of thinking. Take control and take back your day.
I’m here to help
If you would like help taking control of your thoughts and feelings or if you would like to explore how you can break free of unproductive patterns reach out for help today.