For some, the effects of negative self-talk are so intense it’s almost as if we are walking around with an enemy inside our own heads. A mistake made at work is thought of as a sign of total incompetence. Rejection from a potential romantic partner is spun into a tale of how we will never find love. Think about it, if you were talking to a friend dealing with the same challenges, you would never say such negative things or even think such thoughts. But why do we sometimes speak to ourselves this way?
Sometimes we need to take an objective step outside ourselves and examine our thoughts and self-evaluations. This is an important step in self-awareness and can have a profound impact on how we feel.
Effects of negative self-talk
Too much negative self-talk can impact our physical and emotional health. Here are a few effects of negative self-talk on our emotions and our bodies.
- Changes can happen at the biochemical level of your being. Hormone levels fluctuate, even stomach problems and digestive issues can occur.
- Stress levels go up, causing the release of stress hormones into the bloodstream
- Feelings of depression
- Challenges in relationships can occur due to negative evaluations of self and others
Four ways to stop negative self-talk
1. Find your inner compassion and use it toward yourself
The next time your inner critic gets out of hand, simply find and add your own voice of compassion to the conversation. That other inner voice is usually quieter but has real wisdom to offer. This compassionate voice may sound like your best friend or therapist, but it is a valid voice and one you should listen to. This is the part of you that is for you, not against you. It is your ally in times of stress and difficulty.
2. Find and Use New Words
Our vocabulary matters. The next time you experience negative self-talk, grab a pen and paper and write these thoughts down. Writing creates a greater awareness of the kind of thoughts you are thinking and how realistic they are. When we stop to write things down, we literally put the breaks on the repetitive circulation of negative thoughts and beliefs that can run unchecked through the mind. Many of these thoughts are automatic. When we see them down on paper, sometimes we realize how ridiculous and unrealistic they are.
Once we begin to put damaging thoughts on paper, we can also counteract them with more positive and realistic views of ourselves, our capabilities, and our potentials. This process can bring in new phrases and words that have been inspired by our own writing and can introduce something new and optimistic to our inner talk.
3 Stop
The next time you get caught up in a negative inner dialogue, use the acronym S.T.O.P. This is a tool used in Cognitive Behavior Therapy and is very helpful for anxiety. It can also be used for negative self-talk.
S — Stop whatever you are doing in the moment.
T — Take a breath. Reconnect with your surroundings and take yourself out of your mind for a moment.
O — Observe. In this case, observe what you are saying to yourself. Don’t let your dialogue run on autopilot unchecked.
P — Proceed. Continue doing what you were doing. Except with a renewed sense of control over your own thoughts. Either change the topic in your mind, focus your attention on the moment, or switch your self-talk to a more compassionate focus.
4. Stand up for yourself
Managing your own self-talk is a great way to take control of the environment you create for yourself with your own inner dialogue. However, if you are allowing others to treat you with disrespect make an effort to protect yourself with healthy boundaries. If you are in an abusive relationship or are subjected to toxic friendships or work relationships, find ways to make changes in these relationships or take steps to remove yourself from them.
You not only need to protect yourself from yourself; you must also take steps to protect yourself from others who may not have your best interests at heart.
5. Learn new skills with therapy
Therapy is a viable option if you are struggling with negative self-talk and are having difficulty getting your thoughts and feelings back to a healthy balance. Negative self-talk can be a result of early trauma or self-esteem issues that can be resolved in therapy. Therapy is often a useful tool for self-improvement and a way to bring yourself closer to your true potential.
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Jennifer Lauren Arceneaux LMFT is a licensed psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She specializes in supporting women as they work through their issues, including; self-esteem, body image, maternal depression (pre/postpartum), motherhood, and life transitions of adolescence.