If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete — Buddha
We are often quick to judge others, even when we don’t want to, but we are quicker to judge ourselves. Often, our inner critic is much harsher with ourselves in comparison to what we would ever think or say about anyone else.
The Yin and Yang of self-compassion
Validate and Protect
Self-compassion is of a dual nature. One way to understand it is through the concept of Yin and Yang.
We think of Yin as the soft side, the part that accepts yourself unconditionally no matter what happens, no matter how bad you fail or feel inadequate.
The Yang is the stronger side. This is the side of self-compassion that sets limits and boundaries with other people. The Yang of self-compassion protects us from harm as it speaks up and prevents us from giving in to other people’s demands on our time or resources.
One way of Protecting yourself is by not denying your pain. Instead, recognize your feelings as worth acknowledging and accepting. This step is crucial to processing difficult feelings and moving past them. This step also alerts you to protect yourself from future harm as well. Acknowledging damage others can inflict by not honoring our feelings or treating us badly put us in the position to prevent it from happening again. If we deny or do not acknowledge, it is difficult to protect ourselves.
Comfort and Soothe
Accepting and validating your feelings is also a way of comforting and soothing yourself. When you accept yourself, especially unconditionally, you bring in the value of your own comfort. You let yourself know, “I’m here for you and I will protect you no matter what”.
Provide Balance
Providing balance for yourself requires a commitment to prioritizing your own needs. It is an understanding that if you place everyone else’s wellbeing and desires above your own, you can never take care of yourself properly. What do you want to do but feel you have no time? If you are able to find time for others, you can also find time for yourself. Schedule it in, as a daily or weekly event, do not cancel or give away this time for any reason.
Motivate Yourself
The power of intention is difficult to quantify. When you set your mind to something and you begin to take action, things change. Your own behavior changes, you begin to move forward, you build your own momentum. This principle applies to the practice of cultivating new behaviors and goals as well as dropping unwanted behaviors or habits.
When in doubt, try talking to yourself as you would a friend, or imagine what a mentor might say to you if you asked for advice. “What would you say to someone in your position?
One of the most essential things we can do is love ourselves. It may sound cliché, but this is what allows us to deal with the struggles of life. Self-love gives us the strength to take our failures and losses and make something new of ourselves.
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